shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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