You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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