So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
