Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
