I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize