I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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