im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
