david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think we might need a safe word for this...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize