i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
