Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Bring me that man meat
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
