Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
