Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
