@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
