Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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