Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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