so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
