honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
