the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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