i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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