I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Randomize
