I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
