what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
