Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
