found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize