ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
