When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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