I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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