you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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