I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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