Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
