i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
