I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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