I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize