Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
