She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
