do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if only i could text you this smell
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
