I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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