he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
