all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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