You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize