If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
