if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
