I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
