At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
