yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
