Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
