no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Can you bring me the toilet please
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
