you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
