i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
