Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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