We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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