Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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