I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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