It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
