I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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