I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
