who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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