her facebook's as public as her vagina
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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