If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize