i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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