Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
