I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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