Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
