that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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