dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
