I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
