How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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